People who have never had to deal with marital infidelity have the perception that people who cheat or have affairs don’t really regret it that much (except when they’ve been caught) and don’t really learn the moral lesson that they should. learn.
Although I used to have many similar preconceived notions towards people who cheat, I have found that my views on this were not entirely accurate.
From the correspondence I receive, I have come to believe that many people are deeply and desperately sorry for their deception or affair. And many of them come to understand very deep truths about themselves or their marriages. Unfortunately, many come to deeply value their marriages only when they realize they have put them at risk. This is the great irony and heartbreak of the whole thing.
For example, you might hear from a wife who said, “I’m so ashamed and sad to admit this, but I never appreciated my husband as much as I should have. He grew up right next to me. I’ve known him all my life. For a long time.” , I saw him as the kid with freckles who was a great pitcher when we played baseball. I didn’t give him a second glance. And we were friends for many years before anything romantic happened between us. Even as my friend, I could always count on him. When he became my boyfriend and then my husband, he was always constant, dependent and understanding. He never let me down. But at the time, I was so stupid. I mistook his firmness for being boring. I got tired of him being ‘too nice’ .So I started flirting with this man at my work.I told myself that this flirting was harmless and was just giving me an outlet for my marriage to be a little happy.This may have worked except the other man was not happy . simply accept harmless flirtation. I wanted more. And when I didn’t automatically give him more, he started chasing me. I resisted at first but eventually gave in because I just couldn’t resist. it would be very short and then I would break it. But the other man became so needy that every time I tried to break him, he would do something to make me stay. In the midst of this, my mother got sick and I had to be hospitalized. My job doesn’t offer much flexibility. So I couldn’t be in the hospital as much as I wanted. But my husband could be. And he was. The other man came to the hospital when my husband was there and that’s how my husband found out about it. sick I went to the hospital to be with my mother saying: ‘my respect and love for your mother has not changed. I have known her all my life and I will not abandon her for something that is not her fault. That’s when I realized how stupid I am. My husband is the highest quality person I have ever met. I had the best husband in the world and I potentially ruined it. A couple of times, I plucked up the courage and asked my husband if he was going to leave me and all he said is that we have too much to do right now to make a decision. However, he is still respectful to me. I am so mad at myself and so sad about potentially losing the best thing that ever happened to me. How could I have been so stupid? What can I do now?”
Your situation perfectly demonstrates the great irony that so many of us have experienced. Many of us don’t really know what we have until it’s gone or we’re at great risk of losing it.
You cannot change what has happened. You have to take responsibility for it and then make it your main goal in life to make things right again. He’s lucky her husband is still around and committed to not making snap decisions. (Many spouses leave pretty quickly.) This may give you an advantage, but it is very important that you do not take advantage of her husband in any way.
Now you realize what a wonderful person and gift he is, so treat him exactly like that. There’s nothing wrong with sharing your accomplishments with him, but understand that he may doubt what you’re saying. I was the faithful wife in my own marriage, and when my husband said things like, “I took you for granted. Now I realize you’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” I made fun of him. I listened to his words, but all I could think of was things like, “well, you weren’t thinking about how cool it was when you slept with someone else.”
If you really want your spouse back, you need to be patient and understanding when they fight or feel angry. Honestly, you must promise to stick with it, even when they are cold or even insulting. You must realize that they are worth the wait.