Teasing, whether as a teaser or as a target, is a universal experience that everyone participates in or is exposed to on some level. The childhood rhyme goes “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” This is probably one of the biggest lies we try to tell ourselves and our children.
No matter your age, I bet you can clearly remember a time when you were teased, made fun of, the subject of a sarcastic or mean comment as a child. Even if you said something and the kids laughed at you, that feeling of shame is something that stays with most people as one of the emotional scars we carry. It can become part of how we develop low self-esteem.
If you ask your friends about their memories of teasing, you’ll find those memories to be easily accessible. If you ask those same friends about times when someone said something nice to them, those memories are harder to recall.
Research conducted with young adults found that those who had been teased as children had higher measures of depression, anxiety, fear of negative evaluation, and loneliness.
Limited research asking older adults about the long-term consequences of teasing has shown effects of elevated levels of depression and anxiety, and low self-esteem. but there’s certainly a lot of anecdotal information you can learn by talking to your friends and family. It is possible that you have been teased, or that you have annoyed others. I have read different excuses from people who made fun of others:
“They did it to me”
“Everyone Did”
“It makes you stronger when you learn to deal with it”
“The parts of my body that I was teased about back then are now what I consider my best assets.
“This is how I showed someone that I liked them.”
From my informal questioning, I have found that even adult males continue to harass females long after they have been told to stop. After many years, and probably with maturity, older girls reach a point where they realize that boys don’t know how to show affection, so they tease girls.
In the last 20 years, the issue of sexual teasing of a more intense nature has become such a big issue that there are now laws to protect women at work from sexual harassment. (Laws now apply this directed behavior to men as well.) The definition of this behavior is very specific and relates to adult behavior:
“Unwanted sexually determined behavior such as physical contact and advances, comments of a sexual color, display of pornography, and sexual demands, whether by word or action. Such conduct can be humiliating and may constitute a health and safety concern; it is discriminatory when the woman has reasonable grounds to believe that your objection would prejudice you in connection with your employment, including recruitment or promotion, or where you create a hostile work environment.” (United Nations Statement)
The bottom line is that if someone tells you to stop bothering them, you should stop. It doesn’t matter if you “didn’t mean anything” by that. If it continues, verbal taunting falls under the legal realm of bullying. One can only imagine the dire future implications that “sexting” – teens sending sexually explicit messages or photos, mostly between mobile phones – will have on their adult lives.
Sarcasm, like humor, is a form of hidden aggression. People often hide behind his comment by saying, “I was just kidding.” However, no matter what you really wanted to say, whether seriously (only you really know) or jokingly, the things you have said to people remain in their memories along with their memory that you are the culprit. . These hurtful statements can remain for a lifetime and form a belief system in a person with low self-esteem.
Think about the things they said to you, humorously or in all seriousness. It is very difficult to dismiss what you have heard. You can try to explain to yourself logically that the words don’t make sense, but your body will tell you the truth. Do you have a corresponding feeling somewhere in your body when you think about something that hurt you? Do you feel a tightness in your chest; Does your breathing become shallow? Do you feel ashamed, embarrassed, sad? It is extremely difficult to talk yourself out of these feelings. There is one thing that can definitely help. It’s called EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique, or Meridian Tapping.
Take your time and think before you speak. Once the words have been said, you can apologize, but you can never take them away from someone’s hearing. Gossip, the words you say about another person can easily come back to them. Do you want to be responsible for the emotional scars and their impact left on another human being?
And if you’re the one who’s heard harsh words that still sting your core, there’s help that will work quickly and effectively to remove the emotional impact and give you a clear new way of looking at yourself.
Words can provide support and connection; or they can be hateful and destructive. Choose wisely before you speak.