Life does not ‘happen’ to us as much as we would like to believe that to be the case. We are absolutely affecting the outcome of our daily experiences with every thought, word, and action, whether we know it or not. However, understanding this requires attention, intention and responsibility for how we are operating at all times; in other words, we ARE living a life of our choosing.
That said, the one question I’ve been exploring these last few weeks is: ‘If I’m choosing my life in every moment, then why did I choose these current circumstances?’ I mean, let’s face it, as much fun as Jill and I have creating our future, our current circumstances might seem pretty bleak to just about anyone.
Well, the answer to this question came up not just once, but many times over a period of time. You see, too often, we settle for the first thing that comes to mind and give the query no further consideration. This is of no use to you or me, simply because things are not what they seem, which is where many of us stop ~ on the surface.
Earlier this week I met a man with an amazing heart in Taos and it didn’t take long for us to connect. We were sharing our life stories and began to discuss the differences between Santa Fe and Taos. He has lived here almost 9 years and sees Santa Fe as the ‘father’ and Taos as the ‘wayward kid.’ He also believes that most people move here because they are artists or healers looking to establish themselves in a supportive community. What I found very intriguing was my response: ‘I’m also here for intimacy! I have lived in big cities most of my life and Taos has attracted me for most of my adult life for that very reason; these larger communities lacked the connection that is very important to me.’ Needless to say, he caught my eye.
Privacy ~ I’ve written about this once before; so hearing this one more time encouraged me to look even closer, to explore its value, to discover the areas of my life that were missing. The first step was to reassess the meaning of this concept: ‘close or warm friendship; the absence of fences created a mysterious intimacy in which nobody knew the intimacy.’ Being intimate requires worlds of trust due to being in such a vulnerable position. Let it be known, I pride myself on being private; So to let my guard down and be seen~ uh yeah, I’m getting my current life position. It is definitely THE most vulnerable position I have ever been in! No wonder people avoid being truly intimate (and I’m not talking about sex here; as far as I’m concerned, sex is easy compared to what I’m learning from this experience) with another human being INCLUDING THEMSELVES. However, given our current situation, the next level of intimacy for me is taking it on with others. I did the work, I opened myself up and really practiced compassion and kindness with every thought, word and action. The next step is to open up to others and trust them to be equally compassionate and kind to me.
Well, this very thought causes such a tightness in my chest, telling me that I am right. However, before we continue, let’s clear one thing up: this is not a new idea; I’ve already been completely open with Jill. On the other hand, I am interested in doing this on a larger scale; hence the reason for living in a very close-knit town. You may be wondering if I’m looking for something beyond intimacy, and the answer is ‘no’. My desire is to feel an unconditional connection with the people in my life; if for no other reason than to open up and allow the exchange of energy. The only thing I’ve been able to determine is how much people want to contribute to others, and the more we hold back for fear of God knows what, the more we restrict the flow. In essence, we are saying ‘no’ to the Universe and in turn creating a lack of…
What if each of us is on a mission to create intimacy? And what if this intimacy is exactly what it takes to experience a world of abundance? I must say that has been my experience. The more I show up and truly share my story and story without judgment or a desire to control the outcome ~ just genuinely sharing a fact or two, the more I feel like people are coming forward for me!
Hmmmmmm ~ let me clear this up. I appear, and the world appears. I practice compassion and kindness with myself and receive kindness and compassion in return. It could get better? I do not think so! And knowing this, I am certainly choosing my life. It’s only when I refuse to look at the fundamental value of my circumstances that I continue to have similar experiences until… I finally get it. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results? Yeah, kind of like, same soup, different dish.
That said, all I can say is that I think about it right now. What do you choose?