Children with special needs are prone to depression and irritability at almost triple the rate of children who do not face unique challenges. It’s a fairly predictable occurrence: the boy encounters a difficulty that isn’t hindering his peers, and he wonders if anyone has had to work as hard not to succeed as well as his relatively easy cohort. As a parent, of course he wants to do something to help them, and he can.
Talk about your own struggles
Talking to your special needs child about some of the most challenging times they’ve faced in their life (mediated based on their maturity level of understanding, obviously) can do an extraordinary amount to help them feel less hopeless. Knowing that their primary role model (you, their father) has struggled, overcome difficult situations, and found a way to succeed can help them understand that success is there to be achieved.
Be specific, but not bogged down
When you sit down to talk about your own life, it’s important that you operate with a level of detail that makes it clear that you’re definitely describing a real event. Don’t speak in the abstract, in the passive voice, or in the third person; say “I did this,” not “this happened to someone.” Talk about the salient details of the problem and go into detail about your emotional state and emotional processes. But don’t get so bogged down in the details that you lose the point of the story; tell them only the parts that are most necessary to help them get the point.
Frame each story in a positive light
Don’t tell stories of times when a problem caused you to give up, but then things worked out anyway – you don’t want to encourage them to give up! Instead, choose stories where your struggles were difficult, but you actively overcame them in the end. Point out the lessons he learned and how those lessons made you feel better about yourself and his situation.
Talk about starting early
If you didn’t overcome the challenges they’re discussing until later in life, tell them why you wish you had learned those lessons much sooner. Discuss with them how your life could have been better if you had understood a decade earlier that (for example) standing up for your own needs would likely result in your needs being met.
empower your child
Throughout the entire discussion, remember that your goal is to empower your child. It’s good to acknowledge that your child’s struggles are real, you should also openly acknowledge that fact, but it’s also good to acknowledge that the power to overcome those challenges is in your hands.
Problems are opportunities in disguise
Ultimately, the “meta-lesson” behind these discussions is the same: that every challenge your child currently faces is an opportunity for the child to learn skills that he or she would never have achieved otherwise. One day, in all likelihood, they will look back on that opportunity with gratitude, and that is the sign of a truly empowered individual.