Of all the breakup situations that you can find, the one that has to do with friendship is the most difficult to understand. You’ll find people telling you that it’s okay to be friends with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, as long as you don’t love them yet. But what if you do? What if you desperately want your ex back, but you’re afraid to turn down her offer of friendship?
Well, first of all, you need to understand something: friendship is NOT a relationship. Period. Never think you can substitute a fake pseudo-friendship for the real relationship you’d rather have with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. If you want your ex back, you must work for get your ex back. Trying to play the role of the happy, platonic friend will end in a heartache at best. And in the worst case? It will erupt into a mess of jealousy and disorder that could end up hurting you more than any breakup.
Getting back together with an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend involves many steps. One of the first and most important is to disappear for a while, so that your ex will miss you. this can’t happen if you are still friends with your ex. For this reason, when your ex wants to be friends with you, there is no way you should accept that offer. Instead, you should politely decline, walk away, and stay out of your ex-boyfriend’s or ex-girlfriend’s sight for a few weeks.
Understand that your ex wants to stay friendly with you for a good reason: he’s not completely over the relationship yet. Your ex wants the option to back out if she suits him… to reverse the breakup and get back together with you if her new single life just doesn’t work out. But by giving them the green light here, you’re letting your ex do whatever he wants: date other people, stay single, etc… etc… all while he’s comfortable knowing you’re still hanging around for them.
But by rejecting the friendship and doing your own thing? Your ex is facing the reality that they could lose you. Your ex wants you to be friends so they can keep an eye on you; he doesn’t want you to go ahead and date anyone else as much as you don’t want them to. Seeing that you have a planned life that doesn’t include them will force your ex to make difficult decisions. He or she will have to determine whether or not he wants to win you back, and if so, he or she will have to act quickly or risk losing you forever.
Staying friends with an ex after the breakup is never really an option. Not if you still love and want your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back. The best thing you can do is be honest, both with them and with yourself. Let your ex know that you have stronger feelings than just friendship and that pretending to be friends is not your thing. Either your ex dates you or he loses you: those are the two options you have to present to them. Because when you do that, you’ll be amazed at how quickly your ex could run back to your old relationship.