Humility and modesty are common behaviors that may seem indicative of low self-esteem and/or lack of confidence. This is a distortion, however. Humility and modesty can also be signs of calm confidence and healthy self-esteem. It is rare to find a person who has humility and modesty who is also confident. It is more common to see selfish posturing coupled with confidence, or humility and modesty fraught with a lack of self-esteem and little or no confidence.
Consider for a minute how you might look or indicate the combination of humility and modesty with confidence. You may come across as a calm and confident person who has no need to dominate or be the center of attention. It would probably indicate an assurance about the value of your contribution to the world. There is a calmness and certainty to this, but not a selfish need to “face” everyone around you.
There is a quiet “knowledge” about your skill level without the need to state or insert this information into every conversation. The tranquility itself, being unique in a hectic world, is attractive. What does it take to grow this and how do you go about doing it?
one.) Become very skilled at what you do. Whatever you do, go for being the best. Become known for producing results – the highest level results of which you are capable. Confidence comes from being highly skilled and confident in your ability to produce results.
two.) As you develop the skill, it also helps to get practice in not comparing yourself to others. One of the costliest things for our confidence is constantly comparing ourselves to others, especially when we do it in such a way that we never “measure up.” This is a “crime” against ourselves.
When you think about it, what is such a comparison for? We do it to feel inferior or superior to others, neither of which is really true. Just kick this habit. Compare yourself with your own goals, skills, and past achievements. This is the only type of comparison that can help you. If you’re comparing yourself negatively to yourself, stop that too. If you find yourself doing this, use it as a “signpost” to tell you where you need to “up your game” and take action in that area of your life.
3.) Pay attention to any need you may have to selfishly “make noise” about yourself. When you notice this, see if you can analyze what is driving it. Sometimes it’s about an unresolved need to prove ourselves to someone from our childhood. Sometimes it’s about our need to prove something to ourselves. We may have insecurities that lead us to NEED external approval. It is better to develop the tendency to approve of oneself and not seek approval from external sources.
4.) Beware of “false modesty,” a tendency to reject sincere compliments. If you receive kind words of praise, don’t automatically reject them. Simply say “Thank you” under your breath and allow the compliment to have a positive impact without being rejected or signifying that you are better than others. Just let it wash over you. Take it and be receptive and grateful.
5.) Learn to live your life for your own approval, not for the approval of others. This can be key to building trust. If the approval of others drives your life, your choices, decisions, and behavior are driven by your perceived understanding of what you imagine others want from or for you. This is a sure path to misery. In such a case, your own wishes and desires are not the deciding factor. It is essential to realize that sometimes it is our imagination about what others want, think and believe that we use to make decisions about our lives. Where is the sense in that?
6.) Calm confidence comes from within and is genuine. It is not something you can pretend to be. It is something you can grow and develop over time. It may take some time to fully embody, but it is well worth the effort.
What are the benefits of becoming calmly confident? We have a greater satisfaction in our own life and experience a fairly general respect from others. It’s nice to be around us and we can be a strong positive force for others. Living from this place uplifts those we meet. We are more available for relationships and others seek our company. We are more at peace with our own lives and can be a source of peace for others.