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There are some very important principles that successful advocates practice. The first principle was to research, study and read to stay informed about new developments and support. The second principle, shared in this article, is one that can be used in many areas in all walks of life. By using this principle, you can become absolutely dynamic in the way you relate to others.

Principle Two: Foster Positive Relationships

I have worked with many parents and administrators. I see some interesting dynamics at times with the relationships between these two sets of people. Sometimes the two are seen as supportive: parents look to the director for the intensity of an advocate for their child to get all the necessary services, and the director, who sees the father as the key to support and reinforcement at home. to implement strategies that will help the student do better in school. Both sides may be selfish, but at least they both have a common concern deep down, and that’s the child.

Then there is the adversarial relationship. I have heard stories from parents at conferences and group sessions, where parents refer to the principal and therapists as insensitive, threatened, and unwilling to listen. Fortunately, I don’t work with any directors or staff like this, but these stories do happen.

When I hear stories like this, I think about what my reaction would be if I were a school administrator and had a father who knew but spoke to my face about what he was going to do with his son. I would say, “You are my new best friend! I need you to help me in the process of developing what is best for your son. You need to be an integral part of our team for him!” The view taken by assistive technology leaders of the team process is that parents should participate and be a part. Your participation is essential.

Positive should ALWAYS be the first line of defense

When you’re thinking about going to school to advocate for an issue, see how you can share your point, and at that point make sure there’s an invitation to collaborate. That means it’s not “my way or the highway.” I know that I am much more apt to collaborate and work with people who listen to my ideas, maintain a calm affect in conversation, and are supportive and have good things to say. On the other hand, I have a hard time listening to and contributing to discussions with people who are always on the defensive and looking for a comment or decision that “confirms” their belief that “No one really wanted to listen to me or do what needs to be done by everyone.” modes”. When people enter a dialogue with a predetermined notion that they’re going to have to fight, it adds an energy to the conversation that has the potential to create exactly what you expect.

Take a minute and think about the nature of your conversations with the teachers, staff, and administrators around you. If you are a therapist or teacher, do the same but think in terms of your communication with parents. It works both ways. Keep these points in mind:

  • Are your conversations collaborative?
  • Do they leave space for others to share their input?
  • Do you strive to build bridges to understand others and work on solutions without stress and negative energy?

One thing therapists and specialists need to remember is that even when you don’t get along with someone, you still need to give each other a certain level of respect. There’s also a little thing called IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) and a federal mandate! No matter what I think, in a situation, I have to bite the bullet, smile, and do what needs to be done to comply. I hope to see the same amount of determination from parents to work together so we can both get to a win-win situation. When we add the child to the picture, it becomes a win-win-win situation!

Being positive and working together on solutions allows for much more success. Being able to think this way in your relationships, problem solving, and conversations is one aspect of what I call the “Limitless Lifestyle.” I wish you the best in your efforts to build healthy collaborative relationships. When you take the time to build these positive relationships, you’re making advocacy much easier. I hope this provides you with further support as you work through potentially highly emotional situations.

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