I recently heard from a very distraught wife whose husband had recently told her that he was no longer in love with her and that their marriage was “over.” He basically said something like, “I don’t want to hurt you, but it’s over between us. It’s been a long time and we’ve done everything we can, but our marriage is ending and there’s nothing either of us can do about it. That. I’d like to. part as friends, but we definitely have to part because there is nothing between us anymore. “
This was the conversation the wife most feared. He knew that things had not been going well in their marriage for quite some time. But she had no idea that her husband was going to tell her that it was all over. She said, in part, “Well, I guess he’s telling me it’s over for him, but it’s not over for me. I still love him. I feel like if he gave our marriage a chance, we could come together.” together and make this work, but he was so practical that I don’t think there’s much he can do to change his mind. What am I going to do now? “
Unfortunately, many women in this situation chose between two options. Or they allow their devastation to make them think that things are hopeless and that they should just give up, knowing that their life will never be the same again. Or they go on a big campaign to get it back or change their mind. The only problem is that they often get down to the negative or too dramatic to achieve this, which may well do more harm than good.
In my experience and opinion, neither of these two common and understandable options is the best option. I think there is a better way and I will explain it in the next article.
Deciding how to proceed when your husband says it’s over for him when you know it’s not over for you: The problem here (as you may already know) is that you cannot control how another person feels. You don’t have access to her brain or her heart, so you can’t “get” her to change her mind. But what you can do is try to change your perceptions and opinions.
However, this is tricky. This is why it is so important that you proceed and react very carefully right now. Because you are not likely to change your perception of you and the relationship from negative to positive by acting desperately, stressing that you cannot live without it, and arguing that you are wrong in your opinion that it is over.
You can’t afford to appear out of control, desperate, weak, or unattractive right now. Instead, you’ll have to pull yourself together, maintain self-respect, and present yourself as someone who copes and is in control. Sure, it is very likely that he knows that you are very upset and do not want to let go of the marriage. But he’s also likely waiting (and preparing himself) for you to break down and desperately trying to do everything he can to change your mind. Hopefully, you aren’t going to do this, but know that if you did, he might not perceive you as particularly attractive or desirable.
Questions to ask yourself when you want to convince him that the marriage is not over: It is important that you ask yourself some questions right now. You need to know which problem or perception stands in your way the most. In other words, what makes your husband think it’s over? Because this is the insight you need to start changing.
However, when I say that you need to change it, I do not mean that you should do it by insisting or insisting on it. You don’t want to stress yourself out or draw too much attention to your problems. You want to quietly eliminate them on your own with your own actions and behaviors so that you start wondering if maybe you were wrong or acted too hastily.
The other thing to ask yourself is what attributes or things attracted your husband to you when your relationship began. You need to turn to these things right now because clearly, at one time, they were very powerful forces.
Make this strategy look natural and not forced: I know I’m throwing you a lot and there’s a lot to consider. However, despite this, any action you take should look and feel natural and genuine. If he thinks you’re acting or just trying to manipulate him, suddenly you have even more to overcome.
You want to move slowly and you want to set it up so that you can be your true self in the most flattering setting. Yes, you may need to have patience combined with strategy to make this seem to happen naturally. What she is trying to do is give her husband natural, unforced glimpses of a woman he thought was no more.
You want to surprise him and take him apart. You want to make him question what he thought he knew. You want him to wonder if perhaps his perceptions were wrong and his actions were too quick. This may not happen overnight and often does not. But between the time they tell you it’s over and the time the divorce is final, it usually takes several weeks or months rather than a few days. Don’t rush and don’t let your feeling of pressure make you act or appear desperate, doubtful, or clingy.
Perception is reality right now. If it is not over for you, there is nothing to tell you that you cannot try to recover and focus on the positive. This could work to bring him back and give you another chance, and if not, it’s certainly better than giving up and giving in to despair. In my opinion and experience, it is certainly worth a try.