You meet a guy, you click with him, you have that undeniable chemistry and all your friends say you look good together. The only problem is that you have no idea where you are in your life or if you are supposed to expect anything else. Unfortunately, we live in a society where “double standards” is a way of life. Women are not supposed to take the first step and this is how manipulation comes into play. No matter what your reasons are, you should never manipulate a man into committing to you, especially if you are thinking about having a healthy, loving relationship.
There are ways to get him to define the relationship, and the best way is to be honest about it. I know we’ve been told not to start “the talk,” but if you’re the type of woman who hates investing in a relationship that is going nowhere, the best thing you can do is ask the guy where he thinks the relationship is going. Tell him that you are not the type to make assumptions and that you want to know what he wants from you. It is a very simple question that requires a direct answer. Ask him if he just wants to be friends or if he expects something else. Don’t worry about scaring him off, if anything, he’ll appreciate your honesty. If he isn’t serious with you and just wants you to hang around so he has someone to sleep with, he won’t be happy to answer your questions. Words would come out of his mouth and he will try to change the subject immediately. You will be glad you asked for their sake. At least you know what’s really going on. This is your cue to reconsider your options. You have to decide whether you are willing to take the risk or go ahead and keep looking.
If a guy is sincere with a sincere response and says, “I’m having a lot of fun with you, but I don’t think I can be in a serious relationship right now. I don’t want to disappoint you or anything.” Then maybe it’s time for you to come out, but do it gracefully and tell him you get it, no hard feelings. Thank him for his honesty and politely ask him not to text or call you anymore. 9 out of 10 men will change their mind and the biggest mistake women make is that they call you a couple of days later and tell you that they are willing to be casual. There goes your dignity and self-esteem out the window.
If you don’t have the courage to ask him or if it’s too early in the relationship, there is a more subtle approach to getting him to define the relationship. Practice self-control and resist the urge to give the boy all the gifts. As degrading as the expression “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” That is, it has some truth and whether we like it or not, it applies to most relationships, especially if you and the guy are not on the same page. Sure, you have sex regularly, but it should never be used as an indicator of the seriousness of the relationship. Just because he’s sleeping with you doesn’t mean he’s going to give you a title. Never assume that you are someone’s girlfriend unless you’ve had that conversation. It doesn’t matter if he brings you flowers or takes yoga classes with you, you have to verbally accept that the two of you are exclusive, but until then, he can’t tell people that he is her boyfriend.