Your girlfriend broke up with you, you are heartbroken, and you want your ex back. However, so far there has been no contact.
Is there a set rule about how long you should wait before calling an ex girlfriend? And when you call her, what exactly should you say?
Contact after the breakup is one of the most confusing things to figure out. It’s a mystery that always leaves you wondering if you’re doing the right thing, no matter how you choose to handle it.
For one, you want to talk to her. Damn, you miss her like crazy. You need to hear her voice again. And besides, you don’t want her to think you’ve forgotten about her and possibly moving on with another guy, do you?
But on the other side of the coin, she hasn’t called you. Calling her may seem needy or desperate. And you wouldn’t want your ex to think those your stuff… especially not if you’re trying to get her back somehow.
So is there a middle ground? A time when it’s okay to call or contact your ex girlfriend without looking like a fool? Some kind of conversation that actually makes sense, instead of stumbling and stumbling over your own silly words?
Even better: can you get SHE to call you?
What it means when she doesn’t communicate with you
First, understand that if your girlfriend doesn’t call you, it doesn’t mean she isn’t thinking about you. The fact is that she is probably thinking about you a lot.
What your ex is doing right now is ignoring you for a very simple reason: secondment. She has decided that she wants you to go away, and the best way to avoid giving in and taking you back is not to see or hear from you.
This is because during your relationship the two of you formed very powerful emotional bonds. Love, sex, intimacy; all the fun you had, the places you saw together, the family and friends, and the vacations you shared—these things forged strong connections that can’t be easily broken. And some of these connections remain in her place, even after she leaves you, for a long time.
Getting your ex back requires simple reversal techniques that are geared toward getting her to face those emotional ties. He wants her to SEE what she’s missing, instead of turning her back on those feelings and pretending they’re buried.
So what does she do? She loses your phone number. She unfriends you on Facebook, she disconnects from Instagram, stops talking to your friends, and tells her own friends not to provide any information about her. This way, she can move on.
Should you call your ex after the break up?
No, not immediately.
There are several steps to getting back with someone. The first step is always the no contact rule. It is exactly what it sounds like; you must promise yourself that you will not call (or text, email, etc.) your ex girlfriend no matter how much you want. This is very important.
What this does is create distance between you and your lover. You may think that this is bad, but at first it is really very good. It is human nature to want to be right; your ex wants to think that he did the right thing when he ended their affair. So to verify this? He will often look at you to see how you are doing.
What if you’re doing it wrong? That’s a good sign for her. She proves that she’s better off without you because you are worse without her. Sounds messy, right? But again, it’s human nature.
Now are you doing it right? That’s not what she wants to see. Actually, she reverses her thinking and makes her wonder if she should have let you go or not. A guy who’s doing fine without her is a guy who has her stuff together. You suddenly become valuable again, simply because you didn’t care (or seemed like you didn’t care) when she kicked you out.
Which brings me to the next great rule of human nature: you always want the things you can’t have.
When to call your ex
If you stopped ALL contact and your ex hasn’t called you, there is an acceptable amount of time during which you can contact her. While this varies from case to case, as a general rule of thumb, you’ll want to wait four to six weeks.
“BUT THAT’S FOREVER!!!”
Snap. And it will seem double forever, because your heart is breaking and you desperately want to hear from her again.
But you know what? Waiting that long will do something very important: arouse their curiosity. It’s going to make him wonder where you mysteriously went and how come you apparently haven’t looked back.
This makes her ripe to hear from you.
Understand something: calling your ex too early, within the first few days of the breakup, is a BIG red flag. Not only does she not want to hear from you, but what’s worse, your ex-girlfriend hasn’t even started to start missing you still.
Wait four to six weeks, and not only will he listen to everything you say, but your ex will already be on the verge of homesickness. She will miss you. Hearing your voice will take her back to the relationship, and probably to the GOOD part of the relationship when it was all unicorns and rainbows.
You’ve heard the phrase ‘Time heals all wounds’. She does, but he also erases the bad and accentuates the good. As time goes by, your girlfriend will forget all the fighting, rudeness, and other nonsense that broke you up. When she thinks about what her relationship was like, those things will be gone.
What’s left? The good things. All the happy moments and the cool stuff and the great sex. Your heart will pull those strong emotional ties I spoke of earlier, reproducing them in your memory.
It’s okay, I called her. Now what do I say?
Before you even think about calling your ex girlfriend, you’ll basically need a script. You’ll want to know exactly what to say, and more importantly, what topics to avoid at all costs.
If you think you can pick up the phone and go all alone, you’re going to crash and burn. In other words, you MUST know what you are doing. A step-by-step plan is always better than a ‘fly in the seat of your pants’ approach.